When Friends Fight

First and foremost, I believe we have to admit that we live in a culture that idolizes fighting. You don't have to look far or for long for examples. Yet, the examples are usually battles between enemies. Even the correographed Wrestling pits fantasy enemies against each other--good and evil.

Over the years, I've had several examples of conflict escalating into--almost--physical confrontation in the classroom. Each time, it wasn't the bitterest enemies, but rather close friends or teammates that start out with what we would consider "teasing" and end up with fists closed and ready to prove . . . something. I'm sure that a partial explanation is that those closest to us hurt us the most, and fastest.

What do you do when (usually boys, but not always) they have already made a scene in class? Obviously, some kind of discipline is necessary. Deterrence for other students. Does it make a difference that I know they are friends, or should I treat it objectively, as if it were any kind of fight or confrontation? The later is the obvious justifyable choice. It also takes it out of my hands more or less immediately (except for the incident paperwork).

The former, that I take into consideration the circumstances and their friendship is the riskier road. It is the role of a counselor, rather than disciplinarian. I think the risk is worth the outcome of authentic conflict resolution, rather than implementing a grid of disciplinary action. It is not only the riskier road, but the harder road. The problem stays in my hands, and in the classroom. Not implementing the disciplinary code may make me look weak, a pushover.

So the counseling has to come with a strong dose of fear, remorse, and public (classroom) confession as a class warning.

Which puts the teacher in the perspective of an adult with legitimate authority, handing off the problem through discipline, or a contrite apology to the class from the perpetrators for the poor behavior and disruption? It is a judgement call with so many considerations and variables (and variations) that I don't think anyone can offer definitive advice.

I do know that ignoring it isn't an option. That is a disaster for everyone.