In (Out of) the Life

A student came to class today in tears, asking to see her counselor. I always ask why, if it's not too personal. She related that she just heard that a friend of hers, 18 years old, who had attended the school for a short time had been shot and killed.

I've heard several different versions after, but the event itself has been in the local news. I didn't know this young adult, but some of his friends I did know. Many were involved in gang activity and the drug trade. I assume, rightly or wrongly, that this was related.

Most of these students keep that life mostly outside of school. Many show up irregularly, but, frankly, I'm usually glad when they are here attending classes, because I know that they aren't on the streets. Some of them have their only "normal" interactions with adults here at school. Most were born into cirumstances where there was little doubt what they would become involved in. (A few parents come into school to deal with their kids discipline and are themselves covered in gang tatoos. Gang members have children too.)

This life and world that swirls around this environment is as alien to me as the landscape of Mars. Like a lander beaming images, I am not naiive about what happens, but it is distant, a virtual picture, not the reality of living. I can empathize, but can't understand a fourteen year old whose philosophy of life has settled on the reality of losing your life as just part of the game. It smacks of ennui, but sometimes it is just a thick, solid wall built around fear and pain.

Don't get me wrong. By understanding or empathizing with some of these students I am not excusing or rationalizing away their behavior. Some of them are just bad people, like in all walks of life. But as a teacher I just can't help but keep trying to plant seeds of the hope of liberation and the image of how different the world can be. For most, this is the only place they get that kind of chance.

And they won't even be proficient on CSAP.

Mind the Gap

Overwhelmed. The yawning gap between the last post and this one is an important part of the classroom story. Indeed. Like reading between the lines and inferring critical information from text, much can be inferred from the "between the posts." Let me fill in some of the gap.

The shortened calendar for our school this year, due to construction, is certainly one aspect of being overwhelmed. We have to cram all the same information and success into four fewer weeks. The slightly longer class periods just don't make up for the days. Then there is the flurry of assignments that have avalanched around me. Projects, essays (125 document extended essays each time), daily work, outlines, tests, online tests, grades to enter . . . you get the picture.

But, as a professional, I refuse to allow grading to impact current planning or the quality of classes. So, sometimes I end up somewhat behind on grading, rather than on planning. It is also the season of meetings, meetings, meetings. And, paperwork. Our school has the IB Middle Years Program and we will be visited in the fall. Much paperwork and reporting needs to be accomplished before then.

I certainly can continue, but some things, regardless of intent, fall by the wayside. I don't know any teachers who don't have to make their priorities and live by the consequences of the lack of time. Thus, the gap. "The Gap" is probably the most challenging and frightening aspect of teaching. The hope is to keep it from widening and deepening, then falling in. That's when the personal life gets drained, quality decreases, frustration increases, and good people leave the profession.

Minding the gap is teaching.